Time’s Up!
Is there anything that could make you kick your child out of the house? If your child isn’t being arrested or addicted to drugs or beating anyone up or participating in anything that physically harms you or any family member living in the home, is there anything that would warrant kicking out your child when they reach age 18 years old even if they haven’t graduated from high school? Is the metamorphose your teenager goes through – that seems to have totally changed their mind into a foreign object physically resembling the person you birthed and nurtured and enabled – really a transformation or just an older, stronger, more outspoken version of the child you brought home from the hospital feeling proud as a peacock? At what point and to what extent should they be allowed to be themselves vs. existing within the confines of your rules while still in your house? Do you let them express themselves in every aspect of life or is asking them to be who you want them to be stifling their growth and their personality? WHAT could make you invoke tough love and say, you are no longer welcome here and your time is up? Help all the parents living with a teenager about to erupt into adulthood! Holla back!
I had a talk with my son (now 25)when he was a teen about this. In telling him how much I cared for him I stressed that God was depending on his dad and me to do our best. I promised him that I would never put him in a position to have to choose between us like in a divorce. I promised him that if he chose same sex relationships that I would not freak out. I promised him that if he was partying and drugs/drinking got out of control, I would not question him if he just called home and ssid, “come & get me.” I’d rather spend 2 hrs on the road than 3 days planning a funeral. It worked!! I trully Bless God for it too. Just hope he’ll do the same for his children. It has been a sincere pleasure to be his mom!!
18?!! My 5 year old is on the brink right now! He got his first real disciplinary action taken against him at school last week. Only to find out that there was more mayhem in his class when they had a sub that same week. He and his older brother are quite opposite. I’ve come to realize that we’ve got to beef up our teachings to him about the devil and the eternal consequences of being bad. Whoopings aren’t working. He’s quite repentant when he finds out one is coming, but that doesn’t last long with him. I’m in the process of seeking scripture that I can teach him so he can begin declaring who the word says he is as a positive reinforcement. As for the rules of the house, I believe everyone must abide by the rules of the house, including parents. If your child feels it’s more than they’re willing to live up to, then it’s time to let them go. If they’re a good kid at 18, they should be taking the next step, which should be college. If that doesn’t teach them to appreciate the convenience of living at home without real responsibilities, living on their own and paying their own bills certainly will.
@Monique Davis – ok, but what if they are 18 years old but have not yet graduated from high school? That is the question here. Should they be put out when they are only months away from graduating. Isn’t it the parents responsibility to take care of them until they graduate or is it?
I definitely believe it is the parents responsibility to take care of them at least until 18 or they graduate. If they graduate and are 18 and choose not to go to college, then it’s up to each family to make that decision. I would push mine for college, especially if they were such a good kid.
@Monique Davis – Bottom line, should a parent, who has been putting up with their child for 18 years, suddenly put the child out of the house when they turn 18 EVEN if they haven’t graduated from high school? If they have put up with things this long, wouldn’t it be best, to try to give them at least a high school diploma by waiting until they graduated???
Yes. Especially if they’re a good kid and don’t cause any problems at home. Usually the whole issue of kicking somebody out at that age comes when the child isn’t willing to abide by the house rules. I would definitely let my kids stay with me. At my age, it’s not going to be long after they turn 18 that I’m going to need them to start taking care of me.
lol!!! well let’s say the child and one of the parents differ on religion… is that reason to kick the child out?
Now that makes a huge difference. One of our household rules is everybody living under our roof goes to church with us. If they’re not willing to do that without making it an issue, then they’ve written their own ticket out after graduation.
I agree but what if it is not a matter of attending church, a matter of the child wanting to go to a church that is of a different religion?
Depending on what type of different religion they chose, it could result in the same thing. My faith is who I am and my children know that. It would have been an issue we would have discussed long before graduation time. If their new found faith was in direct opposition of my beliefs, then it would resulting in him leaving.
I just want to say first of all. Sup, you are funny!! You are being kept young in spirit and the boys won’t have to take care of you for a long time. Next, I have been at the point where I wanted to put a child out for less severe reasons than a rligion change but then had to come to myself and realize, where would she go AND be safe so I wouldn’t have to worry?? I think that since things have been put up with, as Kathy suggested…what’s a few more week? Pray everyone’s strength in the Lord in this situation!!!
@Monique Davis – Sup, once again I ask, just weeks before graduating?
No. Let them stay throughout graduation and maybe even after. Now that I’ve had a few days to let things marinate, I think a lot depends upon our relationship too. As a Christian, all my life, the first instinct is intolerance towards the defiance of our beliefs, which is a very serious thing. But as a parent, who has the responsibility of training them up in the way they should go, I would have to practice love, patience and trust in my child and in the Lord to see us through the situation, without causing irreparable damage to the relationship with my child, and stand on the rest of the verse that says when the’re older, they will not depart from their original upbringing. I love my kids very much, and I realize as a parent it is my responsibility to make sacrifices for them, which I have done and will always do. I can only hope that if I were ever really put in that situation, I would have the wisdom to act in love and not let the whole thing make me act irrationally. I’d rather keep them in my house where I can keep them covered in prayer and our love, than to put them out into the streets where I know the devil’s influence would be 100 times worse for them.
See, that’s what I’m talking about!