Baby Come Back! Written by Monique Davis
My cousin sent out an email last week while her boys were away on spring break. She was sharing the empty nest anxieties she was feeling. I thought it was cute. One week and she was feeling it. I will be commenting and sharing the other end of it where you take your child to the first day of college and you walk away and leave your baby alone, in their own place, whether it be dorm or apartment, and tears are streaming down your face and your body is shaking and your head is hurting and your breath becomes short and you don’t know if they will make it without you. But any of us who have been through it realize, the real question is, you don’t know if you will make it without them! Whew! Anyway, Monique’s story is precious. Here it is.
Have you ever had your own story about empty nest syndrome? My kids are at my mother’s for spring break this week. We left them Saturday and we’re already feeling the pangs of separation anxiety. We try to only call and talk with them once a day to avoid the “When are you coming to get us” questions and feelings of guilt. We usually start out thinking it’s going to be so nice to have a week to ourselves, but we always get the blues after a couple of days. As much as we talk about wanting a break to be by ourselves, once we get it, we realize that life just isn’t the same without them.
We always end up getting them something nice like a new DVD they’ve wanted or a game for their gaming system as a welcome home present. They’ve gotten to the place where they start looking for it when they get home. I think this time I’ll forgo the gift and say the reward is being back home with your mother and father.
My parents are wonderful grandparents and I’m extremely grateful that they’re both still around to have such an active part and influence in their lives. I know my parents enjoy having them when they can. I also know that they, like countless other grandparents, enjoy the fact that they can send them back when it’s time.
My husband and I never talk openly about it to each other, possibly so we can avoid the inevitable breakdown to tears that would come. Or is it to avoid dealing with the fact that we’ve lost so much of ourselves as a couple due to how much of our lives revolves around our kids? We love them and spoil them too, to an extent. But is this the way it’s really supposed to be?
Holla back!
Wow……This is deep!
Honestly,
There are times when I have drowned myself in my child so that I will not have to deal with the silliness sometimes that goes on in my relationship with my husband. God called me on that and I stop doing this……And yes, it is true we do Sometimes loose ourselves as a unit (man & woman) when we deal with our children…
A couple has to ON PURPOSE make time for the children and themselves and then finally make time for your Indiviual Self & the God you Serve
(not necessary in this order) and Not Feel Guilty about it. The Guilt sometimes comes from thinking you have not done enough! Or I should have done this and not that! Or I don’t deserve to have time it belongs to my kids and everyone but me!
This is Sha-Nana-gians…Just know you have done the Best by them and you have fueled them with everything they need to ride out the path designed for them.
Create and Do somethings you put off because you did have them and fuel your relationship with a new Road to travel.
These are only my feelings, views and opinions based on my failures and successes, I never claim to know it all, but tried alot
Hang in there Monique!!
Well Sup….I feel you, but just hold on. They will become teenagers and you’ll be longing for some place to send them.: ) You will still miss them but it’s different. I still have times when I feel lonely when the girls are both gone, but then I realize I can do some things for myself and that makes me feel better. Sometimes they don’t even cost anything but just to have the opprtunity to be by myself is great. I did almost everything with my girls when they were little and wouldn’t trade that time for anything. I always have thought it was OK to spoil children but not too much and create brats. Please enjoy them whilw they are little because althoug I started this by saying hold on and you;ll want to send them away…you’ll always miss them since they are a part of you!!
It is hard being away from kids when you are so used to them being around, but at least you get some free time.
Sup, what Karolann said is so true. This is my take on it. God puts in us the right emotion to go with the time/phase/event that is happening in our lives. I was crying hard when I dropped Kourtney off but when I turned and saw what my son was going through (I am trying not to embarrass him
) I had to stop and give attention to him. Empty next doesn’t just affect the parents; it affects all those left behind in the household. But now… when Kendall left, I thought I was going to loose my mind! I cried just when I thought about him being gone! And when he would come home and visit and then leave to go back, it started back up. It was harder with Kendall. Two reasons. He was the baby and he was it. When he was gone I was by myself. The other reason, Kendall was home with me more than Kourtney. Kourtney is Karolann, the social butterfly that has got to be out and about doing something all the time. Kendall on the other hand stayed home a lot. Although we might have been in separate rooms, he was there with me. So when he left, my companion was gone.
But truthfully, at each stage they develop that empty nest characteristic. You’ll recognize it. It is the one where you will just be looking at them and counting down the days in your head when they can go to college or just get out! lol. Regardless of how much you end up missing them, trust me, that characteristics will come!
Enjoy these days now. Unless they are different than every other child on the planet, they will take you through something at some point and you will be dialing up your mother and father asking to bring them! And it won’t be spring break!
Thanks to everyone for all your good comments. I see the progressive stages with them. We’ve finally got them out of our bed for the most part, but my husband had them sleep with us the night before we took them. It could’ve re-opened that old can of worms, but instead of that I saw the side of my husband that didn’t want to let them go. I know I will be faced with the joys of the teen years and real girlfriends before too long and I want to savor what innocence they still have and their unquestionable love for me. It would be nice to think it will always be that way, but the life experience of others tells me different. I have to trust that all the teachings we’ve instilled in them will make them great men of integrity and great men of God. Our whole life is a walk of faith full of hills and valleys. Just like my parents believed and prayed that we’d turn out all right, I have to keep doing the same for them.
Sup let me just say, just because they get older doesn’t mean that unquestionable love will vanish. I believe my son has always had it for me. He would let me kiss him or he would give me a kiss when I dropped him off at school unlike stories I heard from other moms. As loving as you have taught the boys to be, it won’t go away. They may try to hide it under a bush when that first “real” girlfriend comes along but when the novelty wears off (and it will), they will return to their mom PDAs!
Thank you for that. I determined that my kids would not grow up without having that kind of affectionate love like so many do. My husband didn’t and we weren’t as gushy with it when I was a kid as we are now. I think that as you grow older you realize that giving love to your family and those you love is something that can be carried through to the rest of their lives and hopefully to the lives of those they impact. When I was in California everybody at church kissed each other including the men to the women. It was shocking at first, but it freed me of those type of inhibitions. I try to do it now, especially with the elderly because for most of them it’s the only hugs and kisses they get. It’s thankfully part of the fiber of my kids. And as the song says “What the world needs now is love sweet love.” Somebody really needs to remake that song right about now.
@Monique Davis – You remake it!
Sup, believe me it was the best thing you could have done for your parents. It may make them tired but they loved it. It keeps them going and being active is what Wanda neds right about now, not too much but active. Your brother-in-law once said he wanted his son to get to know his grandparents and drove him to Richmond, non stop until he got him here. It took him 37 hours to make the drive but Solomon was one happy Kid. So was Wanda and I know for a fact she cries when the babies leave. Kids give you incentive to keep going.
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Let me tell you, ours are 27, 24 and a 13 year old surprise! So I can tell you how it was and how it is. They wont be your bed forever, one day at that hour of the night they will be behind the wheel of your car and you will wish they were in your bed.
Hi Marla. And Amen!!!
Hope to see you again at kleverkathy.com!
I rememebr wishing they’d leave and when they did I cried…
It took some time before I got use to it. It’s always great when they come over and I hate to see them leave.
They still always want something seem like…..
We got them new beds earlier this year. They said if we would, they would stay out of our bed. It has worked for the most part. I did not cry when they left our bed. They were a hinderance to my activity with my husband.
Awww Karol Ann-I think…lol! Besides that I can’t really comment…lol