Healthy Living Update and What About The Pastor’s Wife?
Happy Thoughtful Thursday to you! It’s been a while since we’ve talk hasn’t it? I have been extremely busy at work and at home. Just to give you a brief update of my life changing “striving to be healthy” progress, well…the skirt I have on today isn’t squeezing the life out of me! I haven’t worn it since I don’t know when! I haven’t had any major weight loss but I have tried to be consistent in staying the course and can feel slight gradual changes! My biggest challenge is my husband! He hasn’t been moved to change his lifestyle yet so when he sweetly ask me to take a trip to the Dairy Queen with him, I say yes and try to order the lowest calorie treat I can!
I go to the gym at least three times a week and do weights, ab exercises and the treadmill at home 5 – 6 times a week. My trainer is phenomenal! However, she is PCSing (leaving with her husband for an Army reassignment) the end of May. I have her until then and hope to know what I am doing and can continue to train myself when she leaves. I can remember when I first started training with her. I was so self conscious about people watching me trying to mimic her instructions and do the exercises without looking totally stupid. She assured me, most people start off like that but after a while, they don’t care. Tuesday when I was there doing my training, my closest co-worker was in the same room doing his thing. For the entire time I was in there I didn’t notice him at all! Not until the next day at work did I know he was in that room! Why? Because I was in the zone!!! I no longer care who is in the room or who sees me doing what! I have a goal and even if I feel like I’ve gotten off track, I keep going. I want to start running but I have to really work and work to build up my stamina! Currently I run about 2 good minutes and need oxygen!
My goals:
1. To be thin enough to see the bones in my chest right below my neck.
2. To have Angela Bassett arms.
3. To be able to do 10 one hand pushups like Demi Moore did in the movie GI Jane.
4. To do at least a mini marathon sometime in 2011.
5. To RUN a mile without the thought of stopping or needing to stop.
I do feel much better about myself even though I am no where close to my goal… YET but just moving and sweating thrills me! I love to sweat! Last Saturday morning I did my first Zumba class!!! Can somebody say Amen?! Talk about a workout! I haven’t gone since, lol, due to schedule conflicts but I will! I won’t give up! I’ll keep you posted! I do need cheerleaders. I love support and challenges so if you wanna scream “you go girl” I’ll take it! If you want to join me, I’d love to have you! If you just want to watch, stay tuned! I plan to be as sexy as possible by my cruise sail date, October 24, 2010!
On a serious note…I’m always thinking. Today I have just three random questions, all to do with Christianity. Some of these might actual be questions that really need to be full fledge posts but for now, we’ll just make them questions.
1. As a Christian, is it ever alright to cuss? I went to see Tyler Perry’s new movie and I know from hearing him talk, he is a Christian and tries to make God the central point of the positive messages conveyed in his movies. But in this one, he did cuss quite a bit. Cool? Not cool? What about a person that is a professional actor and that is their one and only job. Most scripts today call for some cussing. Is that alright? Does a multi-million dollar Christian have the same requirements as a regular Christian? (Ok, many of you who read this may be cussers whether it is: habitual, chronic, social, for entertainment purposes only or part of your normal daily conversation/talk. I guess I am not talking to you but more the ones who think it is not Christianly to cuss.)
2. As many of you know, I grew up old school. And let me start off by saying, I am proud of the nuts and bolts of my character stemming from traditions and old school. With that said… if I am at a party/gathering and they are doing the electric slide – no bumping and grinding, no pelvic gyrations, no nasty dancing, etc – as an old school, Pentecostal Christian who was raised not to dance, can I join in and take three steps left, three steps right, three to the back, with a front dip, a back dip and then swirl around (something like that. smile) without jeopardizing God’s pleasure with me? (Can some old school folk that were raised like me weigh in on this one?)
3. Disclaimer: I am asking this question because it came up in conversation having NOTHING to do with me, my father or anyone in my family AND recently I heard the same discussion question on talk radio. What is the pastor’s wife place in the church? Should she be allowed free reign? Should every pastor’s wife be co-pastor/associate pastor/assistant pastor just because she is married to the man called by God? Should the pastor’s wife be held to a higher standard and expected to carry herself in a different manner than the other sisters in the church? And lastly, what happens when the pastor’s wife isn’t friendly, engages in cliques, causes dissension in the church, runs members away, turns the unconditional love the people had for the pastor into conditional love and destroys his livelihood all because she is, first and foremost, his wife and he refuses to do anything about her behaviors?
Holla back!
Hi Mrs. Curry, I thought that you had forgotten about me since I know that your husband is PCS to FL and I thought that you’ll had left but most of all the idea of the weight loss is a blessing and I’m going to be on the same track with you starting May 01, 2010. I planed to get in shape by my 20th class reunion and it is in June not saying that I’m not already in shape but tone up and I’ll keep you inform. For the cussing we all need to change some ways that we speak cause we all find ourselves saying thing that we don’t mean to sa cause like you said I’m from the old school when you was not allowed to say words like lie, stupid, and you lying, but a change going to come.
@SSG Anthony Hooks – That’s funny. Not long ago I had a conversation about all the words we weren’t allowed to say when we were kids compared to what the kids are allowed to say these days! Wow! How times have changed!
1. Yay for the lifestyle change. It really is my plan to go back to the gym once this semester is over, just two more weeks…hallelujah. Along with the new attitude I have tried to take on since having some rough times in the last few years, i would like to add a new lifestyle to that. So, “you go girl!”
2. Cussing…I just think is so unattractive…period. That is not me saying that I have never thought/said any of those words. Being a christian is all about striving to be Christ-like. Is cussing Christ-like? That’s all on that one.
3. Dancing…hmmm…yes I grew up old school like you. I remember at a benefit for my uncle, they were just doing all kinds of dances. I wanted to join in just because it looked like so much fun. Wrong/right, I just feel like the minute I would go up on the dance floor, my dad would walk in the door, or he’s like that little image you see in your head saying, don’t do it. Besides, I can’t dance anyways. LOL Because of being raised the way we were, I just don’t know how to feel about that. We had so many things pounded in our head, that it’s hard to express your own thoughts/opinions about a lot of those things, even as an adult.
3. I have been asked before, since there are alot of preachers in my family, would I marry a preacher. My answer has been yes. However, I have always said, they dare not try to make me a co-pastor or a minister just because they are one. That’s not me!!!! Some times I think it is pretty apparent some are apponited co-pastors and not really called or even want to be co-pastors. Better them than me.
Kudos to you and your program. Keep up the good work and know that it will pay off. Ironically, someone just walked in and gave me flyers about a new gym opening around here.
This is my second attempt to respond. My first one didn’t take after going back and forth for over 30 minutes because I didn’t put in my name and new e-mail address. So needless to say, it took the wind out of my sails and these responses will be abbreviated.
1. If we first establish that all Christians do not believe the same, in fact many are vastly different, all while staunchly proclaiming their Christianity and daring you to deny that they are. Having said that, I believe that’s why it’s okay for some to cuss, drink, smoke, and just about everything else without conviction. I work with a lot of Christians like that. However, if you know better, then doing it is wrong.
2. These days there are many varied types of dance ministries in our churches. Some can put the best hippity hoppers to shame. I don’t have a problem with that. Just don’t take it to the clubs where there’s a whole lot of other craziness going on.
3. I think there are a lot of highly anointed female Co-Pastors that rightfully should be in their positions. As for the others, it’s like Trina said, they were obviously appointed, as if they were trying to keep the ministry in the family instead of letting someone else in the position that really should be. But it’s the Pastors responsibility to keep things in order in their church, even when it comes to their spouses.
Hi Kathy!
I am with you in trying to be healthier, there are so many things that I need to work on, but for now my concentration is in the weight room. I am working to keep cellulite away from my thighs and stomach. There are many times when I want to skip the routine, but I am always so proud of myself when I make the attempt. Some days will always be better than others, but something is better than nothing when it come to exercising.
Even when we were kids there were people raised just like us that would say unthinkable words. Then it was a shock to me, but not any more. I have heard preachers stand in the pulpit and say words that were offensive to me. I have been exposed to some terrible language over the past twenty years. I try not to say “bad words” but every now and again, I have felt them necessary to get my point across. I think that God knows our hearts, and repentance is a a wonderful thing. I dont so much worry about what others should or should not do, its a big enough job trying to keep me straight.
My final comment is on the pastors wife. We lead by example. I personally would not feel comfortable calling myself a member where such actions were allowed. I would see the pastor as a wus. If the wife is wearing two hats(wife and co-pastor); yes, indeed she should be held to a higher standard.
Hi Kathy! Good for you! Keep up the good work. Training is not easy but it can be productive!
Cussing or cursing? Christians absolutely should not curse. Cuss words are mostly gutter language…not very nice but are they “sinful”? I wouldn’t do it and don’t appreciate it from others but then I’m old school about that. However, I grew up in a home where my dad cussed and cursed…
Dancing? It is fun. I guess if you can do the slide and picture Jesus doing it too…then it’s fine. It’s one of those things that may not be “wrong” but our American Puritan Ethic thing has us with lists of “do not do” stuff.
And pastor’s wives….I think that may be a culture thing. It seems to me that in the African American church, the wive has more of a pastoral role than in the typical white churches. That observation comes from conversations over the years with friends. Pastors are called, wives are married. Often the wife may not have the call. Is it fair to her to expect that kind of leadership.
So..those are my opinions. Wish you were going to Mombasa this summer for the USFWI Triennial! Have you ever been to Kenya?
Well, well My beautiful wife is amazin’ and she’s doing her thing without me and I’m very proud of her. She’s been working out for sometime now and yes!, she does has a personal trainer, she has started this Zuma class at Fort Benning and she is on the treadmill more times than I could expect. She will get those Angela Bassett’s arms. She is losing weight, not as fast as she would like, however she will. I too will help her workout as soon as I’m settle at my new duty station. I’m working toward a goal as far as weight lose because it’s heatlhy when we look good, because we feel good and have a better behavior as well. Again, I’m very proud of my wife. Keep up the good work! I love you.
Now on the way we speak. Sometimes we get caught up in the midst of the way life can take us. We do say bad words/cussing when we know it’s wrong. Christians know it’s wrong to talk that way. I’m from the old school and the way we talk today, that wasn’t allow back then in those 1960, 1970, 1980, however I think it’s just the way of life, today making no excuses, wrong is wrong. It’s not pleasing to God. I know that I’m guilty at moments and when my wife tells me about, I might not like what she says, however I do know that she is right. I have my conviction, I do ask God for forgiveness, and I know with more time allow in my life I too will fight that “devil” off my back all the time, not just sometimes.
1. I have had conversation recently about cussing – the word in question was “ass.” Where does cussing fit in? Most situations I find myself in wouldn’t be one where cussing is appropriate. A couple of weeks ago I had a co-worker come at me and say, “So you have a $%^&****( problem with…” My response was, “Whoa, whoa; that is about as unprofessional as you can get.”
2. I know I’m answering a question with a question, but… Which one is worse, dancing at a gathering or dancing, when not in the spirit, in church?
3. The Pastor’s wife needs to stay in her lane! If preaching is her thing, then preach. Otherwise, don’t be a co-pastor because of a career choice instead of a calling.
We have gone too far with the message of prosperity for the purposes of growing a church!
.-= Tom Sawyer´s last blog ..Wordplay Wednesday =-.
The Pastor’s wife should lead by example, however we all need to know that all Christians do not believe in the same belief. There are many different religions, needless to say, it’s just different. I grew up in the old Sanctify church where we worship, praise God all day, all night, fellowship at will and just had a “Glory Hallelujah” time, however church today is about fame, how big the congregations are, who dress the best, who has the biggest house or houses, the most monies. It’s not about pleasing Jesus, pleasing God, it’s about pleasing ourselves. Wow!!! Church, we need to do better, get a “real life”. I think a pastor’s wife/husband should be held at a higher standards because if she/he going to wear two hats(spouse, co-pastor)then they attitudes should be Christ-like on all levels. But once again, it’s the Pastor’s responsibilty to keep things in order in their church, even when it does come to their spouses.
@Trina Fonzer – I am so happy for all the comments. Let’s go one at a time.
I have always said, cussing depreciates ones portrayal of intelligence. I used to have a person in my life that used 16 letter words but cussed all the time! Big cuss words and often! Although he spoke intelligent, cussing erased all of that and he became so unintelligent! And of course, for those who cuss and claim they don’t want to, it is a lack of self control. And…I am not holier than thou! Even as a Christian I have lost control said my share of the bad words! I don’t practice it and I rarely do it, but when I do it is cussing and I shouldn’t. As I’ve said so many times before, what I write here on kleverkathy goes for me too! I can’t point a finger at anyone with four pointing back at me!
And I know what you mean about dancing. I don’t think I can either! I went to a Zumba class and was appalled at how much rhythm and ability I lacked! I was asking myself, how is this black woman unable to keep up with the instructor? I know why I couldn’t… I never danced! Except shouting at church! Lol. I have ALWAYS wanted to dance! I have always wanted to go to clubs and parties, etc. Not to drink or be picked up by men but simply to dance! As you said, it looks so fun!
As a PK, I have often said I didn’t want to be married to a pastor because I saw what people put my dad through. Although I question whether many are called to be an actual “pastor” as opposed to an Evangelist/Apostle/Preacher or whatever (they become pastors for steady paychecks), I will say, most men handle it. However, it takes a special woman to be a pastor’s wife, one that can balance many things and many personalities without offending. All eyes are always on what she is doing. Many times unfairly. No one is perfect and regardless what they do, not everyone will be happy but…that goes both ways and I’ve always said, if you are going to take the good – hefty Birthday and Christmas gifts and large amounts of money at pastor’s appreciation/anniversary – you also gotta take the bad. People are gonna be people!
@Monique Davis – Sup, sorry about loosing your comments. I have heard that soooo many times. I tell everyone I talk to about posting comments, copy and paste in case you loose it the first time, you can try again without getting frustrated!
Lol. I too deal with those Christians that are obviously a different variety Christian than I am! (and not just coworkers….) They are ONLY Christians when it suits them. They are the Christians that do anything with the knowledge that later they will ask God for forgiveness. And yes He is a forgiving God but I wouldn’t keep chancing it! He is also a God that can get done with you! But as you said, I know better so I work hard at not doing it.
Yea, I am sitting patiently waiting to see and hear when some of the church praise dance starts being censored. I saw a “praise dance” once where the entire time the dancer’s nipples were showing. Blatantly showing!!! Ummmm… er… ruh… Wrong! And I’ve seen them where you’re right, they could have been dancing right next to Beyoncee and her dancers! But still, I want to dance! I do! Call me new school but I want to dance!
Amen to your comment: But it’s the Pastors responsibility to keep things in order in their church, even when it comes to their spouses. I agree but let’s face it; they gotta go home and live with them! And RARELY do pastors see their wives or their behaviors like others do! They are blinded by love I guess…
@Miriam – So true! I am proud of myself for every workout too! And the more I sweat and the more I hurt, to me, the better I’ve done!
Lol, we did grow up with people cussing around us didn’t we! And yes, I too was shocked! It was pounded into us not to cuss and we were scared to say naughty words!
Amen! I agree with your comments about the pastor’s wife.
@Pat Shrock – Hi Pat! It’s so good to hear your comments. First off, no! I have never been to Kenya! Had I not gone to another job in September ‘06, I believe I would have been in the group that went to Kenya in February (I think that is when they went). That was the biggest dilemma in my decision but I still choose another job. I had become uncomfortable with leadership and felt my demise coming. But I would love to go! Love, love, love to go!
Thanks for the healthy lifestyle encouragement! I will keep you posted on my progress.
I agree Christians should not cuss or curse! Funny you should say that about the words, I have a young friend who studied cuss words and says she found no biblical backing that calls these words “sinful”. I get that but even a moral less society frowns at certain words/behaviors don’t they. Wonder how God feels? Interesting…
Good idea, if I could picture Jesus electric sliding with me, then maybe next time I will! And yes, it is definitely a “do not do” thing.
Actually pastor’s wives automatically being a pastor/co-pastor might be cultural but it is also a new thing. It has not always been like that. As with technology or anything in life, there is always something new that comes along. This is one of them! And as you say, often, it is clear, the wife does not have the call, she is just married to the man.
@Wesley Sr. –
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@Tom Sawyer – You’re right, cussing is unprofessional and it makes me mad when I am talking to someone in a calm manner and they come at me with cuss words! The same individual I spoke about earlier that used the big words but cussed often would do that. We would be having a discussion that took a turn and he would start cussing at me! Why on earth can’t we raise our voices, get upset and still maintain respect by not saying all those horrible words!
Which one is worse, dancing at a gathering or dancing, when not in the spirit, in church? ROTFL! I could be wrong but I don’t think David was necessarily “in the spirit” when he danced out of his clothes! I’m not sure there is a spirit to be in when you dance at church. I think being spirit filled and connecting with the spirit causes one to dance/shout. (Again) we grew up where people did crazy stuff while shouting and alot of times (I know now) it was dangerous! And that is what we deemed “shouting/dancing” in the spirit. Crazy! And people shouted with their eyes closed! Well… let the record show, if I shout/dance these days and move from the spot I’m in to do it, my eyes will be open! I refuse to be carried out on a stretcher because I was shouting with my eyes closed and ran into a pew!
The Pastor’s wife needs to stay in her lane! Agree. And I think God has anointed these special ladies to be dignified and know their lane but for those who don’t, it gravely affects the church and members and it is up to the pastor to guide her back to her lane! Of course, the first reaction is, the people are wrong. The members are jealous. That is always the first line of defense for any issue dealing with a female right? People are jealous of her! They just don’t like her. And if they continue to stir it up, they can leave the church, yada yada yada but… if nearly Er’Body has issues with the same person, can it be all the people and not her? Funny thing, the people who should have an ear out to God (the husband/pastor, those over the pastor, etc), are usually the ones very closed minded on this subject. They don’t want the hassle of it so they ignore it. The higher the position, the less likely it is for them to be wrong. And the wife, I mean really, what? She’s his wife and she is not going anywhere! When I heard this issue on the radio, it is clear; this has become an issue in churches everywhere, especially with the influx of them being co-pastor/assistant pastors/associate pastors! I truly, truly believe, just like the pastor is held accountable for all the members/souls under his covering as the shepherd, his wife is included. It would be a sad sorry day if a pastor missed heaven because he couldn’t control one sheep… his wife!!!
We have gone too far with the message of prosperity for the purposes of growing a church! Is that kind of random or are you saying that is why the pastor’s wife is an automatic preacher/co-pastor, for prosperity and to grow the church?
Hi KK…it’s good to see you back doing what you do!!!
Congrats and keep up the good work on exercising..I too am trying to get back on my daily routine of some form of exercising..I just feel better when I do!!!
Cussing…I agree with the comments that it shows a lack of inteligence when one does it as a habit, with that said and being from the old school where we were taught it was bad and sinful….there actually are times when it isn’t offensive to me, depeding on what is said, in what context, and who it is. I know that sounds crazy but how I honestly feel. I do know that some intelligent people who study things a lot and know that these words were not intended to be “bad” words use them with no problem, just not all the time in their normal conversation.
Dancing…..I know what we were taught, I want to do it too..esp that step step side to side that R Kelly made sound so fun in that song!!!
1st ladies…no offense to anyone but I just like being in churches or ministries where we have 1..ONE…pastor and the wife performs whatever she was called to do with grace and dignity and that’s all. I agree with whoever it was that said…she is married to the pastor and that is her place. I still believe the scripture..”for many are called few are chosen” applies. Some are called to do what they don’t want to since it’s not as glamorous to them, but if they do what they are both called and chosen to do just think of how well our churches would be functioning!!!
@Karol Ann – Amen!!!