Being on a military installation and working in a military/government job, I see families day in and day out with one or both parents who are deployed. Typically, there is no way around that if the parents are in the military. According to a new study by military doctors and researchers, results found that stress levels were high for children and spouses of deployed troops but also support networks, from military to religious, helped mitigate the problems. But is it enough?

According to the below article, “children surveyed who have a parent deployed in a war zone are at “high risk” for psychological problems”. Wow. This is disheartening, don’t you think? Seriously, we should stand up and applaud any American brave enough to join the military and essentially, instantly put their life at risk, just by joining. And with that, we should strive to make sure they are granted the opportunity to live as normal a life as possible, including having children if they so desire. But is having deployable parents in the military a curse to those children?

Funny thing about deployment and the impact on the family, the article states: “it is the return from deployment that is most stressful, according to three-quarters of those surveyed”. Gosh, it is hard on a family to loose that parent to deployment and it is harder on the family when they return, especially the soldier. It is hard to come back and find your place and fit into a well oiled machine (or so we hope) that has been running for months without you! That’s tough but really and truly, shouldn’t the child and getting them through these formidable years, with circumstances they didn’t choose, be the primary concern?

Hear me when I say, this is just a question to think and something that will never be reality, but I am going to ask anyway and get your opinion: Should military men and women have children during their deployable years?

Read the article below and talk to us about your thoughts concerning the negative repercussions when a military parent deploys and the children are left behind.

http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/09/02/military.kids.stress/index.html?iref=24hours

Holla back!

lol.  Some of you probably got real excited when you saw the title of today’s post!  As I say so often, even with disclaimers, the assumption always is, I’m talking about myself!  Not today. 

Yesterday Deborah visited us on kleverkathy.com and asked that we talk about divorce. Of course we will!

I am married and not divorced so I can’t intelligently speak on divorce from a first hand perspective as a divorcee, and my parents were married to each other exclusively for some forty years until my mother’s passing, so I can’t give my viewpoint from the perspective of a child from a divorced home but… I know lots of people who are divorced.

What I do know is it is not fun for the couple or the children or the supporters of the family. Anything regarding relationships always has so many sides and aspects to it. And opinions are overflowing, especially when it comes to a couple separating or divorcing. The one thing I have always recognized in situations of this nature is; the opinions of the advice givers are opinions that are given with no real feelings invested. The advice givers do not have the deep, romantic, man/woman commitment/covenant connection the couple has, or used to have, for each other. Their connection is that of an acquaintance, coworker, neighbor, friend, or family member. And their reasoning behind their advice is usually quantified only as “wanting the best” for the couple in question. So their advice on whether the couple should stay together or get a divorce is subjective at best.

All the advice givers have to go on is their logic based on facts they know from what they have been told by the couple and what they have witnessed of the couple. They give advice based on what they (SAY or THINK) would do. The thing is, when advice givers tell the struggling couple what they should do or what they think they should do, so many, many things aren’t taken into account. There are the children, the dogs, the house, the cars, all the things they own together, spousal support, bank accounts, pensions, retirement, the ability for each spouse to make it separately in these financial times, etc. There are so many things that must be taken into consideration.

When Deborah wrote yesterday this is what she asked we talk about:

• What are some of the things to remember when getting a divorce?
• What are some tips to getting the most for your children and yourself?
1. child support
2. spousal support
3. support for college
• How do you get over someone who tells you they love you but they are not in love with you?
• How do you deal when they want to continue living with you even when the divorce is final?

Those are some heavy questions! The floor is open! For those who: are divorced, are children of parents who divorced, are contemplating divorce, know someone who has been divorced or are about to be divorced, and even for those who are not divorced but would like to share their thoughts with Deborah, please…

Holla Back!

Today is Thoughtful Thursday and have I got a doozie for you to think about!  Listen to this.

My husband has a friend. He was talking to him and his friend said he and his wife went to the hospital to visit a friend who was in the hospital. It was a man. This man has 27 children. Twenty Seven! Of course, there are several babies’ mammas within that flock. Check this out, at the time the friend was visiting this man, FOUR of the babies’ mammas were visiting him also! What in the world!!! And… four of his sons are a junior! He has four sons, from four different mothers, that are named after him! ROTFL! (roll on the floor laughing) But is it really a laughing matter! This is not a National Enquirer half true, half false story, nor is it a fabrication someone made up, this is for real! All jokes aside, this man dropped his love seed most everywhere he went, or so it seems!

As with Octomom I ask the same question, how can one person do it? From everything I gathered, he is not a millionaire. He is not even rich! How does one person financially, mentally, emotionally, physically and lovingly support that many kids? I have no idea of the make up, e.g., how many kids are in each family, however, I do know this is ridiculous! If I was him or any of the mothers or any of the children, I would be so embarrassed! The kids have the least reason to be embarrassed but honestly, they will probably be the ones most embarrassed and most affected by this reprehensible sexual behavior!

Today’s question on Thoughtful Thursday: how much is enough, how much is too much and when does too much stink! At some point (maybe kid 10 or 15) should the government have stepped in and said enough is enough? I imagine that task is probably easier to do with overly fruitful moms than dads. I wonder how many of these birth certificates reflect this man as the father.

All I can do is shake my head….

Holla back!

So I was doing some paper work this weekend with the TV on and was just kind of listening to Nancy Grace and her guests. They were talking about the Sunday School teacher that has been accused of killing her daughter’s eight year old friend. (If you don’t know what I am talking about, here is one of many links that will take you to a story describing the tragedy: http://www.abcnews.go.com/TheLaw/story?id=7313938&page=1)

While watching Nancy, controversy arose when one of the ladies speaking said it was documented that she had mental issues and her society of friends, neighbors, church family and acquaintances should be made aware of this, in the same way society is made aware of sex offenders living within our communities. I believe Nancy was the one vehemently opposing the thought. One of the things she pointed out was, if you get a group of people in a room, a large percentage – 85% is what I believe she quoted – would all have some level of mental illness/challenges. I agree! But what does any of this have to do with her being a Sunday School teacher?

Literally, ever article begins by calling her “The Sunday School teacher”. Lol. Why? From a journalistic standpoint, I imagine using something as sacred as a role affiliated with church is the hook and apparently what they think will make readers/listeners shake their heads in disbelief.  I say so what if she was a Sunday School teacher at her grandfather’s church. I don’t get the point. I grew up in church all my life and to be honest, I myself have witnessed Sunday School teachers with mental challenges, but what do you do? Where else do we not discriminate, and let whosoever will be a part of the work to be done, but the Kingdom of God aka church? I don’t necessarily fault the grandfather for letting her work in the church, unless he knew deep in his heart she shouldn’t be around children.  Whether she is a Sunday School Teacher, elementary school teacher or Mother Theresa’s sister, the real issue is, she is a kidnapper, murderer and very troubled individual.  Leave the titles off and call it what it is!

The charges against her are monumental! 28 years old and life as she knows it is over! She is facing either a life sentence without the possibility of parole or the death penalty…. How could she do this and should society have been notified that she is mentally ill? Would us knowing her affliction rendered different results?

Let me say, my heart goes out to the family of this young girl, the small close knit community, the church family and the daughter who lost a friend at the hand of her mother. (heavy sigh…) Share your thoughts. Holla back!