I have hesitated writing this post for sometime because no matter how many disclaimers I put on here or how clear I state facts, because I am the author, it is assumed, the subject matter I speak on is about me and my personal life. Well, let me try to put a disclaimer and say, this post is about me and the world at large! It is about you and you; all of us from the days of Adam and Eve until July 9, 2009. My reason for writing this is not about me personally per se, although I experience and suffer the same things the rest of humanity experiences and suffers, I am writing because any subject that continues to come my way and slap me in the face time and time again, day after day, becomes a kleverkathy topic! Today I am talking about relationships.

Although this subject can fit all types of relationships, right now I am speaking about romantic relationships; whether it is boyfriend and girlfriend or husband and wife. Two things on this subject: why oh why, do we as people, try to make others believe, especially when we first meet them, we have a solid, storybook, near perfect relationship? And the other thing, why can’t we treat each other with decency and respect?

If we have lived at least a couple of decades and have normal vision and normal hearing capabilities, we know storybook/fairy tale/popcorn and pink shoelaces kind of a love is not true! Doesn’t exist. Storybook is just that, storybook. IF happily ever after is achieved, it doesn’t come without battle scars along the way. LET THE RECORD SHOW: I do believe there are good marriages and happy couples but right now, I am speaking on “real” relationships.

Recently I met a friend. They told me they had been married 15 plus years and were happily married. You know deep within, my eye brow was rising in skepticism. Well… the more I got to know them and the closer we became as friends, (didn’t take me too long) I found, they are most miserable! Matter of fact, they are separated. Now why on earth did they smile with glee and lead me to believe they were Ward and June Cleaver? Walking around with an internal note pad in my head, I came to realize years ago, there is no such thing as Ward and June Cleaver! Doesn’t exist! Do you know any woman who is a “stay at homer” and wears pearls and high heels to serve dinner and vacuum and dust and clean the toilets? Nor are there any relationships that don’t: have the ups and downs, go hot and cold, swell to the mountains and dip to the valleys, and even at times, plummet to the depths of despair! Yet, because we all so desperately long for the beautiful Cleaver life, we will in hopelessness, with hopefulness, lie about it to others and even to ourselves!

As a woman who waited four decades plus to marry, I thought I had seen it all regarding relationships. Of course, growing up in church and being somewhat sheltered, I had seen a lot, but definitely had not seen it all. Even if I had seen it all, the one thing I couldn’t record in my internal notes without experience was the deep, intense, overwhelming and inescapable feelings connected with the covenant/commitment of marriage! Aaaaaaaaah! (had to holla right there!)

Today I talked to a woman who has been through it. Last week I talked to a woman who has been through it. Three weeks ago I talked to a woman who has been married 45 years and been through it. Person after person after person, been through it! My question for this post is dealing with the “been through it”. Why is it so hard to be decent in romantic relationships? I am not saying people have to stay together forever, but why can’t we all just be decent to that person we claim to love, or at one point in life, had claimed to love? Part II of this question, why is infidelity no longer the exception but the norm? And part III of this question, if partners aren’t happy, why don’t they just make a clean break, end things with dignity and move on? Why are we a “have your cake and eat it too” society with absolutely no regard for covenant, commitment, marriage, God or the other person?

I am not a cell phone that is upgraded when a new model comes out. I am not the station wagon that gets left in the garage when mid life crisis hits and the Harley appears on the scene. Yea, you might still drive me but only out of necessity and not for pleasure or joy. I still want to be highly regarded! I am not the comfort zone where you scratch, fart and burp, while her/his place is where you shine and show the best of what your mamma instilled in you. You cannot get so use to me that I become your verbal whipping board for everything wrong that ails you while he/she gets your pretty words, your mature grown up conversation, your kind listening ear, your smart intellectual interaction spoken in a “before I got married” gentle tone, that you stopped using six weeks after we said ‘I do”?

I am by no means just talking about what men do to women, because statistics says, women are rapidly catching up! But men are typically at the top of the leader board. I have played and quoted Ray Parker Jr’s song, A Women Needs Love, for my husband so many times; he could probably sing it in his sleep! But the truth of the matter is, one of the reasons I believe women do it is because they are retaliating. And I know a few who did the “retaliation cheating” but admit, it isn’t really in their heart, they just wanted to make him hurt like he made her hurt. Lord what are we doing…

Here is my last thought on this subject for now, until you comment and I hear what you have to say; there is no reason good enough to disrespect your partner, especially if you are married. There is not one excuse valid enough to make the person you love or used to love, suffer through your insecurities, low self esteem, lack of confidence, superficial need (they’re prettier/more handsome than you), desire to have your ego stroked, MID-LIFE CRISIS, grass hunting (the grass looks greener on the other side), etc.

Check this out… an affair is easy and most uncomplicated. You get to show them exactly and only the things you want them to see. You can always have your best foot forward. You stay on guard and don’t relax down to the real you. But once you introduce them to your bills/finances, lack of this, inability to do that, your bad kids that are 50% you and 50% your partner and ain’t feelin’ nobody else, and once they get a good whiff of your morning breath and see your love handles unclothed and realize, yes your poop does stink; you will be climbing back over the fence to “less green” grass. Let’s just hope someone still lives there… Fortunately, all grass has potential to be green and greener and greener, it is just a matter of how it is nurtured, fertilized, cared for, admired, loved, etc. Trust me, I know! I took great care of my yard but not every yard around me was as green. My neighbor across the street did her thing too but… we spent lots of time in our yards. We babied our yards and ended up proud of them and wanting to spend time out there looking at them. Same same with a relationship! Don’t you think?

My sister, who has told me a lot of funny, but true things, recently asked me; do we know ANY couple who hasn’t been affected by infidelity? Together we came up with about three precious, God fearing couples. lol. 

These are just MY thoughts. For all my haters, each and every thing I have said here, applies to me too! I have to look in the mirror and say to myself: either be true blue and do what you vowed to do, or make a clean break and leave everybody’s dignity in tack! I am not exempt from a relationship tragedy!

Holla back!

If I could sum her up with one sentence I would say: the classiest, most honorable female that epitomized “ladyness”! Since my mother’s passing, I think I have become more aware of other women. I have watched those come after her who, no doubt, consider themselves ladies but can’t quite seem to pull it off or get it right and unfortunately couldn’t buy class if it was offered at discount prices! That wasn’t nice was it? ) But you get my drift right? To me, my mom was the bomb!

I have never seen anyone carry the title in the same manner my mother did. She was every inch lady, grace, style and Godliness all rolled into one! And to top it off she loved me and she liked me! I wasn’t just her daughter, I was her friend! If I can bare a slight resemblance to her elegance, I will have made it!

That is what my mother means to me. Share with us what your mother means to you and share your Mother’s Day wishes to all the beautiful mothers of the world!

There is nothing like a mom! Holla back!

I am still not sure on this one. Ronnie Deane is what sparked me to ask this question one more time when he said love is dishonest and then explained why love is dishonest and, from his explanation, told us why it is alright to be dishonest. Although I know what the word says and what I have been taught, many of the comments I have heard on kleverkathy.com have me confused. So I must ask again in a very point blank manner. Is lying among Christians alright?

Before you emphatically say “No” (the correct moral and spiritual answer) go back to my article You Can’t Handle The Truth, (it is no longer on the front page, scroll down and then go to page two) and then read What’s Love Got To Do With It, and then read Ronald Deane’s comment, and then leave your comment, even if you commented before.

Here’s the thing, I have been lied to SOOOOOO much lately. I don’t know if I would know the truth if it bit me on the nose ) And listen, I am not perfect. I too have done my share of lying. But I try not to and pride myself in not lying. I don’t pride in it in the aspect of thinking I am better than you or the next guy.  I pride myself in the fact that I am trying to adjust my Christian walk to be pleasing to God and whenever a situation comes and I could lie and don’t, I am proud! That is really what not lying for me is about. I won’t sit here and  say I haven’t or still don’t abuse the truth at times. I can’t say the devil hasn’t caught me off guard and a lie/untruth/deceit comes out of me. But I can say, I don’t ever intend on flat out lying, just to lie. And hear this, IF I DO IT, IT IS WRONG!!!

I know blogging is all about one conversation leading to another and so on, but I hope we can stay somewhat focused and not get into: what is the greater sin or all sins are the same or you’re so arrogant talking about others lying. I’m saying upfront, I am not judging you or anyone, I’m trying to find out the viewpoints of Christians I identify with and, I think, believe the same way I believe. So my question of the day comes from the feeling I get that many Christians don’t believe lying is wrong, if you have a good reason. Is lying wrong? Is lying a sin? Are there situations and circumstances that make lying ok?  Do you lie?  lol.  (you know mother Allen said, if you’ll lie, you’ll steal and if you’ll steal, you’ll lie)

Bear with me. Again I say, I have been lied to so much lately and have the feeling, those who lie to me still plan on making heaven their home! Really??? Ok, I’m a prude! But I’d rather be safe than sorry on judgment day!

Please holla back!

I like it that I have a song in my spirit almost every morning. I have songs in my spirit so often that at one point, whatever song I woke up with on my mind; I would jot it down on the calendar. It’s was amazing to see how often the song of the day would minister to whatever was happening in my life at the time. 99.9% of the time, they were/are gospel songs with a message or something uplifting to my spirit. Yesterday, the only song that played and played in my head all day is “What’s Love Got To Do With It”. Then today on my way to work I had on the Steve Harvey show and they were playing an old, old school song, “It’s All About Love”. Not another love song coming at me! This is not what I intended to write today but I knew I had to write about this and ask you; is it all about love, what’s love got to do with it and does love really conquer all?

I have always told my girlfriend, there are just some things love will not let you do and there are some lines love will not let you cross. Here is my take on that, seeing that I have been a recipient of having the unacceptable and unspeakable done to me and I have been on the other side of that line when it was crossed; either the person/s doesn’t love me or love really has nothing to do with our actions.  And I am not perfect.  I have done my share of unlovable things, I’m just saying…

I grew up in church and know what the word says about love but there are times when life seems to contradict itself and the word doesn’t seem to properly fit situations. I always wait on God’s revelation because I know He is going to either lay it all out for my understanding or give me a nod to let me know, He’s got this one and there is no need for me to know why or what He is doing. Gosh, it’s all too much at times!

So here is my question today: once your boss, or your child, or your significant other, or your best friend, or your neighbor does something that cannot be triggered by love and the pains hurts you at the base of the lowest point of your soul, is there any coming back from that and could they have possibly loved you to do such a thing? You tell me because I don’t know! And one more thing, when you know they are doing it just to hurt you/for revenge, and they know you are a Christian and them saying I’m sorry is what they do best, is there a Christian/human alive that can just say thank you, I accept your apology and move on???

I really want your input on this one. If you love me, holla back.

So here’s what happened. Last season DeAnna Pappas, who had not been chosen the previous season, was selected as the new bachelorette. It came down to Jason, a single dad and Jesse, the snowboarder. She picked the snowboarder. Uh… anyway. Since Jason was so “boy next door-ish” and a sweet single dad whose son meant everything to him, Jason became the new bachelor.

He had 25 women to choose from. It got down to Molly and Melissa. I liked them both but leaned toward Melissa, however, my instincts told me he would choose Molly. He chose Melissa. He explained it to Molly, walked her to the car while listening to her tell him what a big mistake he had made, and then walked back in the house and almost fell over the balcony (I exaggerated a little bit) because he was crying so hard after letting Molly go! Was this our first clue or what!!! He then goes in, gets on one knee and proposes to Melissa. Yippie! Especially since Melissa had been dumped/hurt three times before and had never been the one to do the dumping. Life was good. Fast forward to six weeks later when we get to see them and hear how things have been going since he proposed. I knew something was up when Chris Harrison – the host – said there would be no audience because of the tricky nature of what was about to happen.

They bring them out and Jason breaks up with Melissa and lets us all know he is still in love with Molly and is going to ask her for another chance! OMG! Melissa is hurt and dumped for the fourth time! She leaves the stage and Molly comes out. Molly is hurt too! She is hurt because he initially dumped her for Melissa but then…he begins to talk and tells Molly that on national TV he just dumped Melissa and asks her if they could go out for coffee or drinks and see if they can’t have another shot. She looks startled but eventually – seconds or minutes later – says, yes. Duh! Just like that! Six weeks of hurt vanishes and she takes him back! Old timers use to say, if he’ll do it to her for you, he’ll do it to you for somebody else! Molly, I’m just saying…

So last night – six weeks later again – they show us Molly and Jason who are so happy. Boo Hiss! I liked Jason and I felt bad for him because DeAnna didn’t choose him when he was one of the 25 hopefuls. Now he topped that and hurt Molly for six weeks and now Melissa, possibly for life. As much as I enjoy the romance of it all, I am mad at ABC and “The Bachelor” and think they should not have shown this on TV. This right here is the kind of thing suicides are made of! It is one thing to have your heart broken and be humiliated; it is another to have it done publicly!

As far as Jason goes, he is always crying, he is a whiny boy, and said he did what he did because he had to follow his heart. As much as I liked him, I have now lost respect for him. They should have never publicized this turn of events! I know when these men and women sign on the dotted line, all bets are off, but this went too far. This turn of events was unprecedented and, I feel, should have been left for them to work out without America watching. These are real people!

So I guess this is what I want you to tell me:
• Is following your heart ALWAYS the right thing to do regardless of who gets hurt?
• How do you feel about a CRYING WHINY boy on national TV? I saw one news report talking about the fact that Jason cried so much on the show and how women feel about men who cry.
• Have we gone too far with the countless made-for-television romances?

I know this is a diversion from our normal topics but according to how we roll here in the good ole US of A, this is the news of the day! We’ll get more serious tomorrow. Stay tuned and holla back!